No One Knows What to Do When Their Needs and Their Dreams Conflict

I was writing to Scott this morning and discovered that I had something to say.

The new job has me at a crossroads.  I am back on a time clock and I feel like a monkey.  However, the salary is much higher than I was making without the clock so I figure at some point I'll get over it.  Still, it's demeaning and it makes me feel undervalued.  I also have absolutely nothing in common with anyone there.

I had some serious reflection time alone at lunch yesterday.  I'm giving up the better part of a business that, if taken full-time, could allow me to retire comfortably at 40.  Staying with the bank in my monkey chair with a headset on is less stressful and more focused, but I would retire with everyone else at 65 or something.  I really had to weigh my options and assess risks, and I still haven't really decided.  For the time being, though, I will probably keep showing up at the bank every morning.

I think my discomfort stems primarily from the drastic change.  I just left a job where I made my own schedule, knew everything about my job (and made it up when I didn't), and my boss bought the beer every time we met, which was not often.  I now work in the same building with my boss, I have a schedule set by the company, I have to follow a dress code, and I'm really confused about what it is I was hired to do.  Mostly, I don't like having an earnings ceiling and a boss.  Especially the boss.  That really bothers me.  I have found that I am more comfortable with making my own decisions based on my own experience and knowledge - the department I am in has its little need-to-know hierarchy and it's a pain in the balls when I can't make a decision because I can't get in touch with someone.  I do not feel empowered.

I have come to the conclusion that no IT department does IT correctly, and that bothers me.  I am finally experiencing that difference they speak of between college and the world, that challenge-invoking difference between education and practice.  However, that doesn't have to be that way.  I mean - seriously - when I get an e-mail from the Systems Administrator telling me to ensure I adjust the power scheme on every laptop I deploy, there is something wrong.  The company has spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on hardware, infrastructure, and management software that I should never have to touch a machine more than once to deploy it.  Group Policy exists solely for this purpose.  We have 600 machines deployed and it seems there is no standard.  How the hell does someone manage 600 devices by hand?  The answer: inefficiently.  Therein lies the source of why no one is very positive.  No wonder they're busy and "understaffed."

Whatever I decide, this job will give me some good experience to take to the next place.  It's not all bad - I am learning a whole lot about some specialized software and gaining enterprise-level hands-on practice.  This could be the start of a successful career in the banking industry.  I could just be feeling growing pains exacerbated by my impatience.  I will wait a couple more months to see if I can inject some sense into the workplace.

This is not to say that I hate working there, but so far no one has been very positive or outgoing and the whole lot of them are just downright strange.  I feel like I should just keep to myself and not bother with making acquaintances - there are no benefits to such things here.