Crossroads

I can't seem to have enough drama in my life. I'm always moving and changing my mind and even now that I have decided to do something, I can't decide which way to go about doing it.

For those who don't know, I have decided to try to enter the military again as an officer. I thought I wanted to join the Air Force (and some part of me does), but then upon finding my old company commander for a recommendation I was spun toward the Army. Beth would like to see me join the Air Force if I just have to go, but there's a sense of pride about being an Army officer that I cannot explain. I am torn at the moment.

My friend Ken said I should do a trade-off analysis. I'm sure he was talking about the trades between civilian life and being a soldier, but I can compare and contrast the two branches too. I can even do some of that right now:

The Air Force is more technical, hands down. I belong in information systems and everyone knows it. There are nicer things, I've heard, in the Air Force. I think the physical fitness tests are taken on stationary bicycles or something. I love aircraft. But there's no guarantee that I would work with computers as a career.

The Army is more... well, military-like. Officers lead soldiers and make strategic decisions. It's not really fun work but it is something to be proud of. There is a higher chance of losing a limb in the desert if I choose to go to the Army. It is more physically demanding and I was never any good at running. Not that I can't be, but I wasn't. But like the Air Force, there is no guarantee that I would get near a computer. I believe the chances are even smaller here.

Ken would like to see me as an Army officer and I respect his opinions. He also told me that I wouldn't get the opportunity to lead in the Air Force. I should confirm that. Beth hates the Army and thinks the Air Force is better for the family. After everyone says everything, it's really my decision and it should be made based on what I want to do for myself, my interests, and my family. It's just a big storm in my head and it may be a long time.

I started writing the letter required for the packet that states why I want to be an officer in the Air Force/Army. I haven't finished, and the letter may be different for each branch. I know that I want to serve this country and use my skills for something good. I know I can make decisions based on facts. I know I can lead. I just don't know if the green pill will take me down a better trip than the blue one.

This is one of those rare times I wish I could pray.