...And My Back Hurts, Too.

I've decided that I'm never going to be exactly happy. The very fact that happiness cannot be defined is one of the reasons I'm unhappy. If there was such a distinction, I would just match it and find joy.

I have never been content with anything. I am never pleased with my current state of anything. I don't live in the right house. I don't have the car I want. I never like my job for more than two months. I haven't worked for anyone I actually like for two years.

Marriage isn't what I thought it would be. Fatherhood is the same, but more fun. My formal education lacks six more years. I hated Colorado when I was there, and now I despise Georgia. I never have enough money to do what I need to do.

My mind is always in a bind (I'm not trying to rhyme; Now is not the time). My eyes tire quickly when reading, and there is never enough time for that. Too many subjects interest me and I can't get to them all. Whenever I try to simplify and drop the unimportant, I end up collecting it again and slowing down.

I can't let go of the past. I was always happier where I was than where I went after. I'm missing the Army lately, but I keep telling myself that it wasn't fun and I don't need to go back. I need to go forward to nice new things. Things that are in line with me and what I want.

I guess the Army got me comfortable with the "institution." I enjoy being on a military base or large college campus. Even high schools look interesting and alive. I love to walk around Beth's campus and imagine myself there, surrounded by people like me (well, maybe not at ABAC, but you know what I mean.) I loved college. Mainly because I didn't have to work, but every day I went to that campus I talked to someone who was interested in the same things I was. Either that person learned something from me or I from that person. I was usually the recipient of the knowledge, and I was fascinated by some of the people I met there.

Having said all that, I think I just miss school. I miss learning and talking to people who don't treat me like a geek and never listen (hence the number of comments submitted to this blog). Maybe when I move farther south to that town with the bigger college, I'll just go and sit if I can't attend. I loved visiting the Georgia State University campus.

I don't have a cool ending for this one. I'm a geek, remember?